Photograph — Signal

Who is Solomon Dalung?

Inexplicably and unfortunately, Nigeria’s rather unashamed Sports Minister. We’ll just leave it at that. For now. Maybe forever even. Do you want to talk about someone or something else?

Wow… This doesn’t look good already. But, no, thank you. We suddenly really need to talk about Mr. Dalung, especially after he got such an awful introduction. He’s also in the news a lot these days, so can we please know more about him?

Very well then. Since you insist, Mr. Dalung is the man who is supposed to be responsible for Nigeria’s sports sector, and by default the wellbeing of athletes flying the country’s flag at competitions. Instead, embarrassing developments around the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio show that he seems more concerned with projecting a false image of substance, performance, delivery, tact, and control, than about doing anything to make a satisfactory attempt at overseeing and improving the impoverished sporting climate and profile of Nigeria.

A typical, eerily familiar Nigerian politician trait which is presently threatening to cost us whatever face we have left saved on the global sports scene. J’accuse, Dalung!

*gasp* That’s quite the accusation! On what grounds do you make the aforementioned claim?

On quite a few grounds actually. The football field, the relay tracks, the tennis courts, the gymnasium floors, and more. Even in the waters. But, this is not about metaphors. This is about what the deal truly is with Solomon Dalung, using a very fresh event. Although it might not even be the most embarrassing one.

You know how athletes participating in global sporting events must be fully prepared well before commencement of such events – from selecting suitable representatives, to adequately dressing them, and then ensuring that they arrive safely on the scheduled date to their proposed location? Well, Nigeria could not have had it worse in terms of poor preparation than at this year’s Olympics in Rio, and Minister Dalung has several roles to play in the matter.

After Nigerians learnt that the Ministry of Sports asked athletes to fly themselves to Rio out of their own pockets last month, we didn’t think that anything else in that regard could shock us. We were wrong. Back to back, our athletes were “hungry”, had to be flown to Rio by concerned foreign body, almost couldn’t make it in time, didn’t have opening ceremony clothes, and didn’t have adequate attires for the necessary sports. This is probably unrelated, but Rachael Tonjor didn’t have swimming goggles on for the most part. GOGGLES!! You should have heard the amazement in the commentators’ voices. I mean, she probably doesn’t wear them traditionally, but it sort of served as cement in building our inadequate sporting kits wahala profile at the 2016 Olympics.

And all this embarrassment because the Nigerian sports ministry headed by Emperor D could not be bothered to show a little support to Team Nigeria. In response to the opening ceremony clothes affair for instance, Emperor D even infuriated Nigerians further by insinuating that the lack of ceremonial clothes for the opening wasn’t so bad. Really, E.D.? Really?

In another response to why our football team had to be ‘rescued’ from Atlanta by Delta Airlines within hours of their first game, his defence was to feign ignorance of their activities leading to Rio 2016. Meanwhile, all of this happened after he denied the fact that the ministry asked the athletes to sponsor their trip themselves. We would later be told that the ministry planned to reimburse them. As at two days ago, that was still a controversial topic.

Then to compound things, this morning, Nigerians woke up to the news that the sporting kits for our athletes at Rio finally reached them. Just only over 312 hours late. No big deal.

What “sporting kits”, my friend?

I imagine the ones that they were supposed to use in participating at the games. Only most of the athletes have concluded their sporting activities, returned to their bases, and are probably… I don’t know… sleeping? In a nutshell, except the remaining athletes decide to use the kits in the closing ceremony of the Olympic Games to be nice, they’re pretty much useless.

Uh-uhn. This can’t be right. Delivering sporting kits to our athletes three days to the end of Rio 2016?? The shame, the disappointment—

At least you have some shame, no? You’re probably also angry. Good. Apparently, about 99.999999999 (I’m not sure how many “9”’s you need) percent of Nigerians feel the way that you do. This one Nigerian though…

DALUNG!

Dalung o. However, for the purpose of lamenting about his attitude as contained in this piece, we’re likening him to the emperor in the Hans Christian Andersen book The Emperor’s New Clothes? Remember that one?

Yes, of course! Kuzco, right? The overbearing Disney character from The Emperor’s New Groove?

No. Not at all. They’re two different characters from two very different stories. Wait, why do I even know that? Why do you know that? Who’s even reading this piece? How old are you? (Don’t mind me, I’m just covering up. The Emperor’s New Groove – and all its adaptations – is awesome).

Anyway, we stray. But, really quickly, you must remember the story about the emperor whose vanity and obsession with extravagant clothing led him to be convinced by two weavers (con artists) that he was dressed grandly when in reality he was stark naked. It took a child who was not worried about looking ignorant to point out the emperor’s shameful situation to the entire town.

Well, Dalung is our very own emperor in this case. We’ll call him Emperor D from here on. The only naked man in the parade who stubbornly clings to a nonexistent covering even though everyone can see his nakedness. Our sports minister who thinks that our athletes in Rio rely on positivity and predictions to win medals, rather than adequate funding and preparation.

I bet you he doesn’t think that delivering the sporting kits this late in the day is embarrassing at all. He’ll probably make a very unembarrassed speech soon.

But IT IS embarrassing. Why is the story about the kits even news?

“And why did they even bother to deliver the kits?” I threw in this last one for you.

But, back to answering [y]our questions, first, we heard about the kit because a Nigerian sports official in Rio had to share the story. Because in all his years in sports, he has never witnessed such staggering inefficiency from the sports ministry before. You hear that, Emperor D? Which brings us to the answer of the second question. I guess the delivery was an attempt to cover up the fact that “money meant for the Games was held tightly by [sports] ministry officials”. Dare I say “aka most-likely-diverted”?

No, this is too much. Surely Emperor D must have some shame.

I doubt it. He unashamedly congratulated the footballers on getting to Rio despite his negligence, unashamedly tweeted how South Africa also didn’t have opening ceremony clothes, unashamedly – conveniently – found his way to Rio, and unashamedly assumed that our representatives at the Olympics would be unashamed of participating naked in their respective categories. Imagine if they didn’t have their own personal kits! Most of them didn’t even have to be in Rio!

Those athletes just came through for us.

So… how is he the Nigerian sports minister again?

Again, the answer eludes me. Thankfully, we’re not the only ones who feel that way. A deluge of negative criticism has trailed Emperor D’s performance since before Day 1 of the Olympics this year.

Solomon-Dalung-News-Ventures-Africa

But in true emperor fashion, I don’t think that he even notices that no one wants him around, particularly the athletes. Emperor D has maintained that the current sports predicament is the doing of the past administration. Thus, he has expressed his “concerns over the country’s poor performance”, moved on, and is already planning for Tokyo 2020.

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