Nigeria is in dire straits, President Buhari has told us. The oil price has dropped and we must tighten our belts or face total doom. At the same time he has made numerous trips abroad, cap in hand, to ask for funds to tide us over until oil regains its footing. While borrowing is certainly necessary, the president should look to accelerate a number of highly effective cost saving measures he has already instituted at home:

Abolish the Ministry of Power 

It’s no secret that power has been a problem for Nigeria since independence. The Ministry of Power and its subordinate parastatals have been a sore point for even the most impressive of administrations. Whether NEPA, PHCN, GENCO, TRANSCO, or DISCO, we’ve always had the problem of accounting for how many megawatts of electricity are generated in this great country of ours. It is a complicated and taxing exercise from which we may soon be liberated. Under the esteemed guidance of President Buhari and the freshly minted Minister of Power, Nigeria has proudly done something no known country has accomplished since the dawn of the industrial revolution and the invention of the light bulb. Twice in the past month we have managed an output of zero (0) megawatts thus achieving an elegant, if simple, solution to the power problems plaguing Nigeria. This is an unprecedented and admirable feat that not even Syria in all of its paroxysms has managed. It seems that in their esteemed wisdom, the President and his extremely powerful Minister of Power have decided that the nation has been looking at this problem the wrong way round from the beginning. Through their framework of change, they have determined that Nigeria cannot have a power problem if there is no power of which to speak. Having briefly tested that elusive goal of zero megawatts, it is high time the President abolish the Ministry of Power and apply the enormous savings towards more worthy pursuits like travelling the world to launder Nigeria’s image.

Abolish the Ministry of Petroleum

Nigeria is known to the world as an oil producing country. We are also a country that imports the majority of our refined product and recently, daily crude oil production has slowed by almost a hundred thousand barrels. At the same time the availability of refined product has been all but halted by what the Minister of State for Petroleum has labelled a mysterious movement of fuel from Nigeria to neighbouring Chad and Cameroon. Fuel queues in Nigeria are so long now that a driver must pack an overnight bag when he wants to buy petrol. But we can do better. Nigerians are not a half-hearted people. President Buhari must go further. Instead of the cosmetic action of doing away with costly fuel subsidies paid to a mysterious and nefarious band of touts we call Oil Marketers, the President should circumvent them entirely and abolish the Ministry of Petroleum, making official our no fuel policy and saving Nigeria’s hard earned treasure.

Abolish the Ministry of Budget

President Buhari took the first step when he decreed that the Office of Budget would be removed from its habitual berth in the Ministry of Finance and elevated to the coveted status of ministry. In a country where business drives the economy and government is the primary driver of business, then the government’s budget is all important to the smooth economic health of the nation. The President’s detractors have criticized ‘the Bubu’ for his lack of economic management experience as evidenced by the current budget debacle. First it was lost. When recovered, it was found padded and now it rests somewhere in limbo between the legislative and the executive branches while Nigeria’s fiscal year progresses past the half way point without guidance. What they fail to see is the President’s inherent wisdom: if there is no budget, there is no economy, and if there is no economy, there is no stress. At this point the President’s only fault is keeping a Minister and Ministry of Budget when there is no budget of which to speak. President Buhari should immediately and definitively abolish the Ministry of Budget and Planning and allow the great minds therein trapped to achieve higher heights.

Abolish the Ministry of Finance 

What is a Ministry of Finance without a budget? What is a Ministry of Finance when the national currency has no purchasing power? The answer is two very expensive buildings filled with people who currently have nothing to do. The current Minister of Finance has tried, but with no budget to manage, no budget for direction, and almost no economic activity in the country, unfortunately the positions of every person in those hallowed halls may soon be redundant. The quest to weed out malicious ghost workers has, as of recent, been championed by the Ministry of Finance, but the ultimate success of the mission will come when the ministry staff recognise their own lack of a raison d’ĂŞtre and recommends to the Head of Service and the Oga At The Very Top that they be released from haunting the halls of irrelevance.

Abolish the Ministry of Women’s Affairs:

Last week, an aide to the Comptroller of Prisons slapped a female member of the House of Representatives and called her a prostitute for daring to overtake his motorcade as he left the House of Assembly. Rather than an isolated incident, the action seems to stem from the recognition that the boys are back in charge. According to opponents of the previous administration, women ruled the roost making a weak president highly emotional, confused and unduly indecisive. To correct this, President Buhari has seen it fit to reduce representation of women in his cabinet from an all time and burdensome high of 30 percent to a more reasonable 15 percent, thus liberating 50 percent of the population from the pesky machinations of a political process that will ultimately govern their existence. Given his belief that women have no place in the Nigerian society and their need, on occasion, to be disciplined with one or two quick slaps, why must he worry himself with their affairs at all. The President should protect the hands of his top aides and endeavour, immediately, to rid his government of this burden by abolishing the Ministry of Women’s Affairs and putting those funds to better use.

With these simple steps, President Buhari can consolidate his platform of change and do away with contrivances of the past regime that have only been an impediment to the smooth functioning of Nigerian society. Immediately and effectively implemented, these changes should result in the winding down of our astronomically high recurrent expenditure, thus allowing for the free flow of funds to the things that matter most…when the President finally decides what those are.

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