Photograph — Sugabellyrocks.com

After the death of late Prince Abubakar Audu, Lotanna, aka Sugabelly, a Nigerian blogger and art illustrator, celebrated on social media. However, Sugabelly’s celebration of the death of the almost Kogi state governor, has become irrelevant in the context of what provoked such an emotional outburst on social media.

Yesterday on her blog — sugabellyrocks.com — Lotanna published a long and detailed account of her devastating experience of being gang-raped by Mustapha Audu, his brothers, cousins, and friends.

The artist and blogger of 26 starts her heartbreakingly compelling story explaining the psychological trauma she battles, and how a seemingly innocent relationship with her crush graduated into full blown sexual abuse, almost every day for a six-month period in 2007.

“Every time I see a white Nissan Altima, my palms go sweaty, and my knees get weak. It’s an involuntary reaction born of so many nights being driven around Asokoro pinned to the floor of Tunji’s white Nissan Altima, barely able to breathe, the stench of weed stinging my eyes while I choked on the penis of whomever it pleased Mustapha to force me to pleasure that day.

In the beginning, Mustapha and I would go out for lunch, and I’d put gas in his car, and we’d buy our own shawarmas, and eat out of each other’s hands. I had a massive crush on him, and he told me he loved me, and called me “his woman” which made me feel special. I was getting paid 20K a month, which is nothing now, but it was my first real salary back then, and it was nice to have more money of my own to spend, and spend on him I did.

What I needed was a friend, and when I plunked down at my desk that first day of work at Alteq, and bonded immediately over a shared love of books and superhero comics, I thought I’d made one in the guy sitting next to me.

Every day, I came to work, and he was right there. And at the end of each work day, it had become normal to everyone for him to drop me off at home, so when 6pm came, and he grabbed hold of my arm and said “Let’s go.” I had no idea how to justify refusing and making a scene.

Mustapha was a monster like you cannot even begin to imagine.
His brother Bashir, was the same age as me, and Mustapha decided, that one way or the other, it was his duty as big brother to rid Bashir of his virginity. At what was supposed to be a casual get together for suya and drinks at Tunji’s house, he dragged Bashir and me into the bedroom, and pushed us inside, saying to Bashir “Fuck her!” before locking the door, and leaving me alone in the darkness with his brother.

All my pleas to Mustapha were in vain, and the only thing we heard from Mustapha from the other side of the door was “Don’t let me come back and find out you’re still a virgin.”

Mustapha Audu and a friend Credit -Sugabelly.com
Mustapha Audu and a friend
Credit -sugabellyrocks.com

On a different date, his cousin, Jibril raped me in that same room. I screamed, and screamed, and fought, and struggled, eventually sticking my fingers into his nose, and biting his hands. In retaliation, he bit me hard on the nose, and later that night, I explained away the swelling on my nose I came home with as an unfortunate meeting with the edge of a swimming pool.

All the while I was screaming, Tunji and Mohammed were discussing business, and when my screams interrupted their conversation, Tunji came by to look at me, naked and pinned beneath Jibril, only to laugh and shut the door firmly behind him.”

Afraid to report the incident for several reasons, including the stigma surrounding rape, the fear of having her nude photos and videos leaked, and the fact that she was surrounded by powerful politicians, Lotanna did not report the incident, but has been writing and talking about since 2007.

“I was terrified that my refusal would mean the exposure of the pictures he had taken of me early in our relationship, photos I told him not to take, but he did anyway, photos in which I was naked and vulnerable.

I had so much to be fearful of. The thought of the videos Abdul recorded of Mustapha and Tunji raping me seeing the light of day filled me with sheer terror. The alternative was keeping it all secret, and so I did.

At 17, I knew already that the Nigerian police is most definitely NOT your friend, and that people who have police and army escorts in their homes are generally the sort that can make you disappear (in many little pieces preferably), and pay off the police to look the other way, or failing all else, buy judges to make sure any court cases brought against them never see the light of day … I was scared, and I felt very alone. Their parents were very powerful people, and I didn’t have any faith in the police, especially faced with attackers that seemed to have both the police and the army in their pockets.”

Worse than Lotanna’s ordeal, is the reaction of the Nigerians who have named her a whore, gold digger, and a PDP agent, paid to tarnish the reputation of the deceased’s family.

Credit - Sugabelly.com
Credit – Sugabellyrocks.com
Credit - Sugabelly.com
Credit – Sugabellyrocks.com
Credit -Sugabelly.com
Credit -Sugabellyrocks.com

“I actually wish this was true. At least it would be compensation for all the money I’ve had to spend on psychotherapy over the last few years.

I’m no stranger to money. I’ve had a lot of it, and I’ve had very little, and I’ve never been the type of person to be impressed by anyone’s wealth, so it wasn’t cars, hotels, or fancy shit I cared about, I was cool. I attended the best boarding school in the country, and Mustapha didn’t impress me, and I never asked him for anything or took anything from him besides the comic books and novels we traded with each other.

Every day is a struggle to not end my life, and I have had to spend a small fortune on therapy and mental health services, as well as anti-depressant medication to make my life liveable. Even then, I have to constantly fight through waves of pain, anger, shame, self-loathing, and the urge to make it all just go away to get through each day, and I don’t always succeed.  

Why on Earth would anyone who has been raped in Nigeria want to call attention to that fact when rape victims are pilloried as whores, gold diggers, prostitutes, and sluts? When all you can look forward to is constantly being the topic of hushed conversation, pitiful looks, social ostracism and being called “Rape Girl”?”

Elsewhere on Ventures

Triangle arrow